Through the thick of it

A battle statement about love and patience

Through the thick of it, easy to grab, and delicious so I’m waiting

Until next time, next time i can articulately explain it

Given the proper chance to confess how much i hate to love you.

nov 22 16

on biking in the winter cold:

my fingers freeze in the wake of a winters breeze
how does it hurt so
the deep tings i call them
burrowing into the tips of my hands
as the wind picks up i can’t hold
breeze breaking through my clothes.
fists clenched and broken
seemingly stuck from opening

oct 27 16

ohh how deep the rivers run
past my calf, how far the deep has come
treading the air around a funeral dressed up as a wedding
the celebrations are fanatic, supposed to be fantastic
in a fury, erratic. speech is slurred. actions spastic.
im just trying to hold on to the past tense.
you know when we first met and it was dynamic?
that first high i felt everlasting is now passing.
the goo has turned to glue and youve got me attached to you
falling closer on you as held me down
now both of us are drowning.

nov 22 16

what feels good? what breathes.
i understand most of it, all with so much to explain, i can’t even find the time to change.
the same topics are ever so relevant.
prevalent and extinguishable,
so many facades of humans hoping to be defined to have their lives understood,
to understand amidst all these understanding and misunderstanding.
they are so abundant and proud.
drop your ego fellow soul as i can taste the distaste in my senses,
i don’t want to help you only my presence.
i shall use you the way you blindly follow your actions.
i am not the best nor the worst i just am.
someone mindful against the ground being pulled down every which way is found,
i am traveling every day and inside every vacation is a sour and spoiled say,
a frantic display of power.
a absolute cause for cowards.

oct 29 16

i always seem to make it about me
atleast i made a funny
i guess never had a chance
acknowledgment with no sigh of relief
inappropriate, these feels inside me
i just want my head in your lap
and my hand on your snatch
maybe just a few more kisses
in an void of romance im just stating facts.

oct 17 16

the nights through the door are not of theses winds
todays is a new generation and believes and things
the light is breaching so strong
steeped deep like tea for too long.

im choking I’ve lost it
composure is softened
like the muscles in my legs
like the voices in my head
asking questions as a forceful beg
a plea as the deed
one more try is all i need
drunk of pain and a bit of whisky
slurring my words, now i am getting too tipsy
please someone take this girl away from me

reliving the pain over and over its a warmth i cannot achieve
no matter how many covers
how much i pull up over me is lost to me
i find myself buried under 6 feet of sheets
reclusive and dying
each day i tried on trying
not that i have given up, as i still have hope
just a bit more pessimistic on who i let hold
who i try to choke, whose lips i kiss
these feelings evoked

im choking I’ve lost it
composure is softened
like the muscles in my legs
like the voices in my head
asking questions as a forceful beg
a plea as the deed
one more try is all i need
drunk of pain and a bit of whisky
slurring my words, now i am getting too tipsy
please someone take this girl away from me

the time is ticking, 
no surprise how this all ends up.
sprawled on the ground and filled with lies.
it shouldn’t of gotten all shaken up
i mistook the taken and relieved the breaking.
taking the simple, the only thing that meant anything.
the same word i spoke wasn’t any ring or document.
just some sentiments well sent, fully loved and gifted.
my plane, I’ve missed it like that place of a comfort zone.
so long will i kiss this goodbye.
my last knowing separation,
my choices have lives.
living on their own and doing their damage,
i swear the last time i gave you this much power.
i know you couldn’t handle it.
now its unmanageable and damaged.
the frame is cracked and they can’t have it.
its a terrible shame but I’m a savage.
grieving with making a sandwich.

the light through the smoke
the air so thick it chokes
the truth unknown
the asking is useless
the lie is easier to tell
hard to find the trail to heaven
easier to point the route to hell

scrambling in a sense
the future is now past tense
at first i took offense
now my reactions resembles defense
i have a guard that i hold
to retreat is a loss i cannot afford
i take these cards and upset with my hand
im afraid that i have to fold.

i am falling asleep
floating on my front, i feel as if i can breath
which is not scary, more surprising to me
i embrace the unkown
i dont do what I’m told
i sate my urges as i feel what is real
quenching my thirst while swallowing this pill
not eating at first then becoming feverishly ill.
but the high is worth a trip
with your basic brain you succumb to the trick
the truth is out there and it is unaware of itself
disguised as a lie
believe me, i swear it myself.
i saw it as the rain came down
the makeup washed off and it littered the ground
with each puddle reflecting and body of water collecting
the mirror image was faint
as the world starts rejecting

he thought is arising the time is now
the chance has left me, surprising. wow.
the joy, elation of being late again.
i can’t keep my word and my hunger is at bay again.

the sight of a current that can drag me is pertinent.
i wish to leave this place,
no longer have i been looked for as i lost myself in this space.
my mind grows numb and my heart is heavy.
i can’t take this anymore my eyes breaking like levee.

these shadows are dark and my thoughts are hot.
my touch is not and my gaze is weak,
my focus is strained like the strength in my knees.
the wind could topple me if i let it.
no more a force now being forced to regret it.

the bounding power that is called my skin
is not doing the best job to contain and hold in
all of this information and zest that is misinterpreted in jest
trapped inside my mind, hiding up under a few dozen covers
blankets as i bury
deeper and deeper away from the light
waking up or dying, both are just as tiring
i can feel the cold amongst my toes
my brows are dry and i feel as if i too could be thirsty
nothing satiable
everything soluble
as thick as weeds in a garden
dandelions on my yard are now blooming choice for farming


my callous hands on your soft face
with my dark skin and your thick waist
and my big lips leaving a bigger kiss
with your soft hair that is weaved in to all my thick coarseness
those slight dimples and sweet cheeks
all blushed up under your cows lick
that is swarming around widows peak


The mind is so curious, at times mine is furious. relentless with disdain, i feel myself drowning in my pain. with those bittersweet memories rotting my teeth i look upon myself as an crazed and ever lusting lover. my best friend is my lover. my best friend is a girl and i love her. but i can never tell you the truth because i don’t want to blow my cover.

i can’t help myself, trust me i have tried.
i know you need a specific medium but my resources are tired.
the silence is bliss where ignorance lived but vacated long ago
the residence is evidently past tense.
i am furthering my feels into the muscles
the skin is too tight i have to hustle
the breathes are deeper after
i take them slowly and mindful always acting faster
trying to slow down
this pace i am taking is of a greyhound
on the hunt for something, the kill of anything
the blood in the beard the sex on the sheets
i have to ask my maker a few questions when we meet
i am patient as i am anxious both are evident in my cheeks
i wait for no one so for these answers, ill remain the same
before i wait too long i must leave.